Allahu.
So, which of your Lord’s favour do you deny? :’(
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I planned to pursue my study since before this, last year.
It is already in my planning, written in my planner and i visioned it clearly.
July came when i completed my application for September
intake, and i submitted it on the closing date which fell on my birthday, at
the end of July.
I drafted a plain proposal and clicked the Sent button. I
was sure if alumni applied, 99% chance will be approved and i constantly told
my friends who are applying for masters, dont worry.You’ll be accepted. But
when it came to me, there is still that jittery feeling haha.
Alhamdulillah, it didnt take long before they approved my
application.
And.. my jaw dropped when i see the total fees i have to pay
on the enrollment date. I didnt expect that amount actually. (my bad because i
dont ask my friend who already enrolled last semester) And there was a huge difference between the full time and
part time student fees :0
I searched for Yayasan Bank Rakyat Pinjaman Pelajaran Boleh
Ubah (PPBU) which i saved before and ready to apply. But still i have to pay
the entrance fees. I called and email the postgrad office and they say i must
pay whatever stated in the offer letter and i am allowed to shift to part time study
the next semester (because part time fees is much affordable) *the calling part
aint easy because for the thousand times, someone did pick up my call. Huh. Uia
is well known for its disability to pick up calls hihi.
Today, i arranged a meeting wih Dr. Al and went to her room
after school. I listened to her for about an hour and i have a heavier feeling that i should pursue this now.
But, i still need to consult with mom.
Tonight, i called her. Asked again for her opinion. And she
soothingly adviced me on the path im taking. She said, “ Allah Maha Mendengar.
Allah tahu niat baik, cita-cita nak sambung belajar tu. Allah akan bagi dan
mudahkan bila tiba masanya “ I asked, but when? Huhu. She continued “the time
will come. Dont do things hastily” i dont mom, i planned this some times ago L but yes i feel it would be a bit uneasy
because im riding bike and it would be better if i have a car, easier to
commute especially when i need to bring my thick books, laptops and etcetera. “yeah,
it is. There are many things you have to consider, like schools. Of course you
will have to attend and do many school events and how would you handle if you
are still unprepared about this? How’s your students? Will they be neglected
because the teacher has too much things in a plate? dont do yet if you are
unsure” i’m sure and certain mom i badly wanted to pursue, but the only thing
in mind is im scared especially after
meeting with Dr. Al. I dont even started reading any materials yet” i told her,
i also think i would be uncomfortable when im currently sharing rooms and
focused on studying would be a big deal. This is not an easy thing, i say this
repeatedly. She concluded, “ to me, it is better you defer first. Because i can
see there are many problems like no transportation, study place, fees and in
sha Allah the best time will come for you to pursue”
Me, on the other hand; like i told you, i am 90% sure i will
start this semester and when Dr. Al mentioned about discipline, focus and being
alone; the percentage dropped and dropped again when i spoke to mom. Maybe because
im in a situation which doesnt fit now. I already planned im going to use this
part of money to pay for the fees, prepare to change my room a bit to make room
for study area, buy a printer at KL Fest, HP brand, prepare to let go my mengaji
class after school, prepare to break the news to Guru Besar only, prepare to
apply for scholarships and already withdraw money for the registration.
See, i posted about this three years back;
